Back to Where it all Began

In my quest to uncover the path of my heart, heavy intense reflection has become my routine. It has helped me maintain some semblance of balance. I do not want to spiral to a place from which I cannot return. This Uranus transit has been messing with me in ways that defy description. And the hit to my IC isn’t even exact yet. We are all in the middle of uncharted energetic waters. I am just one speck of sand trying to keep my shit together so I can help other specks heal and grow. I am here for the planet but I also need to take excellent care of me while doing so.  So I believe I discovered the initial spark, the person who saw me and helped me learn about intimacy and trust. WE could explore my parents but I have spent years examining those dynamics and it is less interesting to me now. However these parents sometimes took trips to Europe or other distant places while me and my sibling were kids. We traveled back to NY to stay with my cousins. My aunts and uncles watched us . We did not travel with our parents because some of these trips were prizes from my dad’s job and the vacations were only for two people. We were taken out of school while my cousins were still had to go. I have no idea what my sibling was up to but I was all about Steven. Steven was my cousin’s boyfriend’s best friend. If any of my cousin’s are reading this, I bet you will remember!

So my older cousin was dating literally the boy next door. Steven was more like me and less like them in my opinion. He had long hair and was hippie – like. He was probably a few years older than me, born on the Aquarius/ Pisces cusp. The first of many Pisces types to follow. But still the first! His sun was on my Chiron. Of course it was. I say this because most of the people in my life story have planets aspecting my Chiron.  While there was some mutual attraction between us, the connection gave me something more important. His mom had passed when he was quite young and his dad was not remarried. He and I would often talk alone while the rest were elsewhere. I was always on the phone with him or I would walk to his hood to watch him play basketball. We spent countless conversations discussing death. Very romantic right? He was sooooo deep and my 11 or 12 year old self was here for it. He shared himself with me and I was forever curious. There were no limits on topics. I felt so safe with him. This was new to me. I was not sophisticated at this age but my mind was advanced. I found this boy so mature and wise. We got each other.

Every few months I was back in NY, for social gatherings or family visits. My cousin dated this boy for years so Steven was a part of my life for awhile, through part of high school. The adults teased us both but again , it did not matter. He offered me something intriguing and mysterious. It was a form of intimacy that became important to me later on. These encounters taught me about the importance of emotional intelligence. It also highlighted what an odd person I was becoming. Why was I so fixated on death?  I covered this elsewhere on the blog. It will be interesting to see if WP offers them up as a suggested related post. Let’s just say that my Scorpio sensibilities were being developed along with spiritual curiosity. The religious culture of my family was not meeting my needs so I began to seek more satisfactory answers.

Puberty is typically an awkward, messy time in one’s life. But he was my refuge. We played Yes albums, got into some mischief  as young people will do.  I  also learned more about who I was becoming. I discovered the importance of naming what I want and what I began to value. It has always been crucial for me to include Spirit in any important relationships. I hope he came out the other side. A boy needs a mother and he had to grow up fast. Growing up fast is probably what brought us together in the first place.

Before I close, can I say happy nodal shift? What about merry Saturn Retrograde? I will go with the following : Embrace this Leo season with joy and discernment if you can. While some are in for a bumpy ride, hold on to the feline energy and open your heart. See what happens next. I promise you it will not be boring.

Namaste