2015 has been a very intense year, full of surprises and obstacles. I came into the year full of excitement and hope. Saturn was leaving Scorpio and moving up towards my Midheaven. Time to manifest and rebuild.
Or so I thought. Taking my pension a bit early was much more of an adjustment than anticipated. I figured that having some monetary security would actually build my confidence once I resume my job search. I also thought that taking my time would allow for some truly necessary relaxation and self-care.
Apparently the Universe had other ideas. The acceptance of having nearly approached government-employee retirement age proved very difficult. Old stuff came to the surface in a variety of unusual ways. I experienced bodily sensations and dreams that put death and mortality on the front burner once more. Strong themes of mortality were rising to the surface and were beginning to become a preoccupation. Having a medical emergency and then needing to put Dexter down gave more power to old fears and worries about the unknown.
Due to all the obstacles of the past few months, I did not get back on the horse. I have not looked for work. Saturn fell short of hitting my Midheaven , but it will arrive there in a few short months. With mars in Leo and the transiting sun on my Descendant, I feel a bit more momentum, but there are still many loose ends that need to be addressed and losses to mourn.
Those who read here regularly know I am a dreamer and a dreamworker. My dreams are easily recalled and typically powerful. While I do not always attend to their symbology, I am fortunate that they are available to me.
I had a powerful dream recently that is worth documenting here.
In my dream I find myself behind the wheel sleepy and with poor vision. I do not have control of the car and I am damaging the side of one parked car. I am moving faster and faster and am about to drive smack into the middle of a house. I tell myself ok this is it and I am feeling relieved and ready. I am ready to leave this world. The car begins to make impact and crashes straight into the house, but then miraculously bounces back and richochets backwards! Both myself and the car are intact. It was as if the crash never happened. I am amazed and try to reach for the emergency brake. Then I wake up.
I have had many many dreams in the past where I was behind the wheel, out of control and mercy to whatever situation presents itself. This theme of powerlessness is not new to me and I understand its ramifications. I have also had dreams where I almost had an accident or that I survived unharmed.
This was not one of those times.
This was a new reality where actions were reversed and my welfare was fiercely protected. I have not given the dream a thorough analysis, but woke up the next morning with a sense of excitement and awe. Perhaps I can bounce back from all the hardship and pain. Perhaps I can survive the fear and lack of control over my destiny. There are so many miracles seen and unseen.