Here is my contribution to A Selection of True Awakening Stories, Part III, created and organized by the magnificent Barbara. Thanks to my dear friend Barbara for making this all possible and gently nudging me to dig deeper into my being and scoop out some goodies to convert into the written word!
This project will be converted to a free e-book for all to enjoy and savor with glee. The previous two e-books are available for download on the right sidebar of my site’s home page.
I would suggest you read or re-read my previous two awakening stories listed below to gain a broader understanding of my journey:
This third installment will cover my “travels” from early 2016 until this present moment. While not much has really changed at the surface level, there has been tremendous energetic shifts just below the surface. Many of my regular readers know I use imagery as part of my communication process. Art and text ( often married with music as well) do more together than separately. I have chosen a few paintings by Julian Weir to complement today’s “cosmic update”. These paintings were selected because reality is depicted as malleable, shaded ,variable, soft and muted. I would say that my current state of being is quite porous, mutable, in flux, and often multi-dimensional. No-thing is ever how it seems, at least not from my vantage point.
Time is Fleeting: While I have functioned as a therapist at two different organizations, become more immersed in a local astrology group, and have witnessed more lovely souls enter and leave my orbit, these details matter little. While reading a high school year book recently, I discovered a quote that still rings true.
Isn’t it strange how all of the years dissolved into just a feeling?
I remember being blown away by this insight at the time. I do agree that all of human/being existence is reduced to momentary impressions and reactions. Feelings turn into memories but cannot replace the in-the-moment experience.
When you really get down to it, all we are left with are our experiences. Time moves so quickly in ” my reality” that I look back less and focus as much as possible on the moment in front of me. It requires plenty of re-programming for me to succeed, especially in this informational overload society. Experiences are purer when lived in the Now and the moment is all there is. I realize that while living in a body is limiting, it is still unique.
I’m on the Road to No-where: The painting above is called The Road to Nowhere, which I did not notice until it was already uploaded. It fits in perfectly with the notion that there is no-thing to do, no-where to go, and no-one to be.
The past few years have been about picking myself up and dusting myself off after falling down over and over and over again. While it appears that my recent journey is mostly about recovering from an assortment of bizarre and mundane obstacles, I sense that IAM growing and evolving behind the scenes. It is obvious to me that I want to spend my remaining time on Earth serving the elevation of consciousness. I do not want to live my days “phoning it in.” Lately I have been drawn to working in the field of addiction. Many moons ago my psychic buddy Bob mentioned in a reading that I would do well working with addicts. It did not appeal to me then, but it has become a passion of mine. While I currently interview for jobs at inpatient rehabs and outpatient clinics, it has dawned on me that my last employer really took a chance by hiring me. I realize that I could not answer many of the specific questions about chemical dependence treatment being asked of me now, back then. I know now how much I did not know. (This doesn’t apply just to addiction treatment either!)
I did acquire so much knowledge in such a short amount of time. Looking back, it seems miraculous that my former supervisor advocated to bring me onboard. It took me some time ( I started that job 1 year ago today) to realize that the Universe was really conspiring to help me grow and manifest more of the experiences that I desire. I find it pointless to not serve humanity, especially at this point in our species’ development. The question remains: How to do so without getting stuck in the goo of despair?
The Sludge Party continues: There is so much sludge! I am referring to unresolved material that remains hidden at the unconscious and often cellular level. The more we live, the more we acquire. So many old insecurities have re-emerged recently, issues I thought we cleared for good. Some recent sludge has come up around rejection, being bullied, and #metoo incidents that date all the way back to the 6th grade. Revisiting high school via my class HS Reunion FB page has resulted in many dreams including former “mean girl” classmates along with some pleasant exchanges online. It is a mixed bag, sludge and fudge. Afterall, looking at the old yearbooks revealed that awesome quote about the flow of time and how we process it.
The #metoo movement triggered old memories that I thought were long resolved. Many spiritual teachers say that we perpetually clear more and more as old content emerges again in a spiral formation. Other teachers say we do not need to clear anymore. All I know is that I faced head on some rather uncomfortable emotions, yet again. I dealt with them, for now.
Ascension Apocalypse: While I am still as confused as ever about all the Ds ( densities and dimensions), I like the concept of ascension and tend to attract more and more information online and offline about this topic. While those who know me well would describe my personality as fixed and stubborn, I have revised my belief system several times, especially since the dawning of the new millennium. For example, I really could not relate to the notion that practically all Earthlings are slaves to the machine. It appeared to be a preposterous exaggeration. Yes, I descended in part from an enslaved people. But I have never been forced to work without pay or treated like I had no value. As I consider how primitive and stagnant our civilization is in terms of basic living conditions, deplorable does not even begin to cover it! Most spirits in human bodies have to work most of their lives to barely cover food and shelter, with little or nothing leftover. Millions live in squalor and are perpetually hungry. When I look at my life, despite all the education and skills, I have had to accept employment that was far less from what I desired, just to survive. This planet finds violence and incarceration acceptable and does not agree that food, medical care, and education are birthrights. It is truly a dog- eat-dog mentality at play , while the 1 percent have more resources than they could possibly ever use.
Why do we live this way?
Matrix or not, there has got to be a purer, kinder way to live on this beautiful planet called Gaia. So I continue to do my best, using my guidance and intuition to plant me where I am needed. But there are many moments when I wonder if we are too late.
George Michael, Am I Woke Yet? I titled this entry Wake Me Up Before I Go-Go as a riff on the Wham classic Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. This song has nothing at all to do with this topic, but I adore George Michael, one of the many sensitive souls who left Earth too soon. And yet, if you check out the video link provided above, you will see George is wearing a t-shirt with the words CHOOSE LIFE on it, hmmmm.
In any case, the title really distills what matters to me most at this juncture. I really, really, really, ( did I say really? ) REALLY, do not want to return here again in a body. I realized as a child that I did not want to be here and it only took a few more years to realize that I am not interested in doing this again. Per usual, the cosmic winks continue, as my phone began to ring just while I typed the word again! I am not playing. There has to be more to explore in other realms.
So I conclude this cosmic update to say that I want to awaken as fully as possible, with love and nurture and care, before this body expires. I do not wish to remain stuck on the karmic wheel and be a slave to any “authorities” whoever or whatever they may be. I doubt very much I would have chosen my circumstances without the goal of transcendence and awakening. If ascension is on the table, I want in! Maybe I am already partially there. There is no scorecard where I track my progress, however both longing and love do register in my heart.
images courtesy of wikiart.org, public domain