This article is my contribution to Barbara’s challenge, A Selection of True Awakening Experiences ~ Part II. This new compilation of material will also be assembled into a free E book for all to enjoy. To familiarize yourself with my initial story, please read about it here. To download the original E book, you can download it now or click on the book icon on the right sidebar at your leisure.
First off, I would like to mention that I did not follow the exact instructions with my initial contribution. Just to clarify, my initial piece was not about my current journey. Rather, I shared my recollections of a profoundly mystical experience that took place in 2005. I did not address my state of consciousness circa 2014. I do not think I considered awakening or ascension when I wrote my post. The idea of soul ascension was not on my radar.
So much has shifted for me since then.
In this second installment, I will share some of my soul’s awakening journey between 2014 and today, plus some other takeaways that may offer inspiration and insight. With both some hesitance and excitement, I offer you a glimpse into the workings of this ever-changing litebeing.
So let’s delve into herstory:
When we last left our heroine, it was early 2006 and she had just quit her secure employment of 18 years. She was so excited about the future and intermittently buzzing from her encounters with James. Transiting Neptune was conjunct her natal ascendant ( house of self) and her inner mystic was resurfacing. Life was a blank canvas, brimming with possibilities..
Here is a brief excerpt from my initial story, where I conclude with some observations and lingering questions:
” The dawn was breaking within my being and the light was beginning to enter my awareness. I was barely waking to what waits beyond the physical plane. The entanglement was both between myself and this young man , and also occurring at the quantum level. Was this awakening fleeting, ephemeral and anomalous? Was it a miracle in the purest sense of the word? Am I still wondering what more can happen as Neptune continues to spend many more years in my 1st house? “
These lingering questions will serve as the blueprint for today’s article, paving the way for reflection and clarity.
Was this awakening fleeting, ephemeral and anomalous?
It is quite the challenge to summarize my journey over the past two years, not to mention the last ten years ( 2006 – 2016) where I began the transition to overhaul my career and overall identity. But I will try my best to describe how I arrived at my present destination. Destination, destiny, hmmm, they have the same root; to make firm or establish.
My awakening is definitely not fleeting, ephemeral or anomalous. I am still barely waking. The more I experience, the less I know. Humility has definitely taken root within my consciousness. I take far less for granted and that is a good thing. Intense peak experiences are absolutely rare and transitory. I highly valued the somewhat occasional extreme mystical openings that have graced my life. My ideas about these topics have shifted since then. I think that it took many years for me to see that over – the – top, trippy, transcendental episodes are not necessarily the bread and butter of spiritual evolution. I thought that the goal was to get as high as possible for as long as possible. Much of my life is filled with oh so subtle wonder. Bizarre transcendental happenings are part of my life, but not on a regular basis. But synchronicity is a daily visitor and the more I acknowledge it, the more plentiful is its presence.
Was it a miracle in the purest sense of the word?
This is a tough question to answer. Initially I was referring to my cosmic meeting with James that I explored here. I will now address it from the perspective of my ability to integrate the energies on the path to awakening. From 2002 through 2006 and up until the present, I have had many a dark night. One could label it depression, dysthymia, dark night, or some other nomenclature. The labels do not make any difference at all. These are intermittent periods of extreme doubt, sadness, disconnection from Source, and/or profound powerlessness. My journey has not been linear by any means. It has been more cyclical in nature.
What has changed for me lately is that I do not dwell in any one emotional state for very long. I still feel anger, resentment, isolation, joy, confusion, bliss, empathy, or neutrality, but they dissipate rather quickly. However, I would characterize this current season as one of illness, loss, confusion, and frustration. However, my connection to Source is quite strong and that is what makes the difference for me. I do feel a bit lost and tired though, but not forgotten or unloved. In some ways, my life has never been as arduous as it is now. And yet, it is also incredibly exciting and mysterious.
There lies the miracle for me.
Am I still wondering what more can happen as Neptune continues to spend many more years in my 1st house?
For the astrologers: As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, Transiting Neptune was conjunct my Ascendant in the summer of 2005. It is interesting to note that James has that placement natally. So one could surmise that I manifested someone to mirror that transit for me. My 1st house is very large as it covers half of Aquarius, all of Pisces, and the beginning of Aries. Neptune will remain in my 1st house until 2026. So this concentrated energy of fantasy, communion, and mystical essence has just begun to alter my awareness and melt into my soul.
Certain significant progressions have also impacted my journey. As my progressed Ascendant moved from Aries to Taurus, I became more focused on how Pluto/Scorpio affects my interactions with others. I also became more interested in family and nurturing as I was about to become an aunt for the first time.
When my progressed sun moved from Sagittarius to Capricorn, life became more serious and purposeful. With both my ascendant and sun now progressed into the Earth element, my focus had turned towards more responsibility with a call to leadership, substantial friendships/partnerships, and a renewed admiration for the natural world. Examples include my sacred encounters with the animal kingdom, power places, and a stronger appreciation for Gaia.
From the Refiner’s fire into a river of love
The past 2 years have been a continuation of spiritual “tests” regarding shaping me into a purer version of my Self. Losses have been many, including loss of professional identity, steady sustainable income, robust health, family members, friends, mentors, and animal companions. This refining process has been somewhat unexpected and definitely traumatic in a variety of ways. What has sustained me is a generosity of spirit from many sources. Some were surprising, to say the least.
One could say that my ability to intuit has led me to be more bold and open. This boldness has opened me up to new people, places, and things that were previously out of reach. While I still tilt closer to introvert on the introvert/ extrovert continuum, I have become more at ease interacting with a multitude of individuals online and offline. I am increasingly being fueled by these exchanges, both creatively and emotionally, not to mention spiritually.
Leaving my city employment brought me back to working full-time in the mental health field once again. The response I received from clients reassured me that I still “had it”, the gifts of compassion and healing I had acquired earlier down the road. Working with creative therapists for many years unleashed a desire in me to re-engage with my inner artist. That re-engagement eventually led to blogging back in 2013.
Lighting the spark of creation
This creative spark has always resided within. The question was, what to do with it? I was tired of simply being a ” friend of writers “. It was time to be a writer once more. By 2014 I was clearly established as a blogger and now working as a therapist and manager of a recovery program. These opportunities have led me to become more interested in how to combine my creative impulses with spiritual service work. My current passion is offering awakening support to those in need, along with expansion of my astrology practice and writing projects. These desires to lead and expand my sights has been guided by spiritual practices and friends new and old. They are nurtured by immersion in the natural world, music, teachers like Matt Kahn and Lee Harris, travel, altered states ( dreams, meditation) and by interaction with other like-minded people. Many of these unofficial guides have been bloggers on this platform. You know who you are.
I do not know where this will take me. This needs more time and thought. Or maybe not. I will simply state that I do not know. It is more than outer purpose or creative spark or the stripping away of material goods, loved ones or roles. Seeker, mystic, lightworker, starseed ; they all seem limiting. I will just continue to keep breathing and see what arises.
A musical finale ~David Bowie’s passing is still a difficult pill to swallow. While he remains an enigma, I am certain that he knew me. As a rebellious yet idealistic teen, I played the Hunky Dory album over and over and over, looking for answers. The song Oh You Pretty Things has a catchy melody with intriguing lyrics, but was certainly over my head. In the wake of Bowie’s death, revisiting the lyrics triggered a volcanic reaction to my core. The song is both darkness and light, as is the Earthly experience. Please give it a listen here and you will understand how his influence has informed my awakening.
artwork by Odilon Redon via wikiart.org public domain